


Moonlight & I

by silurica



Series: Look to Love, Always [10]
Category: Fallen London | Echo Bazaar
Genre: Flashbacks, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:46:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28255632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silurica/pseuds/silurica
Summary: This is the unknown story of a certain Nagato Konoe, whose death set motion to the undoing of a Master.
Series: Look to Love, Always [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068755





	Moonlight & I

**Author's Note:**

> A sort of a prelude to my Ambition: Nemesis run.
> 
> This was a little experimental and might be hard to follow/read, but so it goes. Also this was set entirely on the Surface with OCs so I guess it might as well not be a FL fic, sorry about that.

“Promise me you won’t ever leave me?”

“Silly Chi. We’ve been together for as long as we can remember. Why would I leave you now?”

“…I guess you’re right.”

A conversation under the rain. My Chi, warm and fragile, breathing on my chest.

It has been a few years since Chi showed up at the Konoe family gate with a smile, a composed voice, and bloodshot eyes. The news had spread when he arrived; he finally accepted the title of the head of his family, the role he was raised for. The condition in which he accepted…

“Do you hate me now?” I remember he asked that day, “I took the easy, selfish way out.”

What was I supposed to say to that? The person who swore to never kill has finally claimed a life. His own family, nonetheless. Despite his composed tone and expression, his eyes and his clenched fists told a different emotion.

“I can’t bear the thought of living without you. They will find someone else to blame now. But I…”

I pulled him into an embrace. It was inevitable. He did everything he could to stop the urge, but at the end he was no different than…

“No, you are not like them. The regret you feel now is proof to that. There, there. It was difficult, wasn’t it? Don’t worry, I’m here for you.”

He is still Chi. One incident would not change who he is. My beloved Chi who would not hurt anyone on purpose.

A few weeks after the funeral, another news arrived that a certain someone has gone missing. The only son of the silk trader whose blood stained Chi’s hands.

Chi didn’t take that well. He always gets clingier when something is troubling his mind. He asks more questions, as if weighing the words he hears. “Am I truly different?” “Do you hate me?” “Why did I do that?” “Do you still love me?” “Will you stay?” “Why?”

Why?

“Because I love you, Chi.”

Why?

Because I have a role, too.

Every time bad news about his family arrived, in no time Chi would show up at the gate.

Our families enjoy an amicable relationship. More pragmatically, we have use for each other. As the youngest son of the Konoe family, as someone who has no chance to be chosen as the heir, a disposable pawn, the role chosen for me was to keep the heir of Nishiooji family in check. Chi is aware of this, and yet…

“Nagato? What’s wrong? You look pale.”

“Huh? No, I’m just thinking… if everything were different, would we still be together like this?”

“I don’t know.” He clutched my hand. “I don’t want to think about it.”

He wouldn’t let me go. “Of course. It’s hard to imagine if we didn’t.”

Neither of us would let it go. We don’t know when it happened. We don’t care enough to know when our game of pretend stopped being one.

Our families don’t approve our relationship, but neither do they disapprove us. Chi smiles as the face of his family and mediates conflict in it, and I keep him stable and report it to my father. The only time they come close is when they push us to get married and continue the bloodline.

Chi, for obvious reason, despises the very idea. He keeps refusing and avoiding, claiming he is busy with diplomatic works in the new capital. He doesn’t want a false marriage, a false union, a false love. He, too, refuses to adopt a child for that reason.

Me? No one cares about what I do as long as I play my role and don’t interfere with my father or older brothers. They look down on me, but I don’t care about what they think as long as they don’t harm Chi. I wish I could give a portion of this freedom to Chi; he needs it more than I do.

And yet, he refuses to walk away.

For someone who claims to hate his family, Chi strongly refuses to let them destroy themselves. It’s not only once or twice he has come to visit, breaking in a sobbing mess as he laments about how he “failed”, how he couldn’t “save them”, how he couldn’t prevent “another loss”.

I never know what to say to him in this situation. There will be next time? There is no next time for a dead person. It was their fault they were greedy? That would be too harsh. The only thing I can do is reassure him of my trust and love for him.

“Nagato, listen. I will be leaving for Europe.”

Huh?

“Yes, it will be a while. A year… maybe more. I don’t know. I’m looking forward to it, actually. It would be nice to leave that house for a while.”

Of course. It was hardly surprising when he told me that; as always, distracting himself with work.

“I’ll miss you…”

“I’ll miss you too.”

“Hey, can I come with you?”

“Eh? But this is business…”

“Hah, I know, I know. I expected you to say as much. You’re so straightlaced.”

Words flowed from my mouths thoughtlessly. How I wish I could do more for him.

“You know, Chi, I keep thinking, it would be nice if we could leave together. To somewhere else where we can be happy, just the two of us.”

How I wish…

“I - that would be great, but I can’t do that. I -”

“You have your family to attend to, right?” I wish I could hear a different answer for once. “You are too kind, but that’s why I love you.”

“I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry I can’t do more for you. If I could, would you stay by my side always?

A few days after that, he departed, far beyond the sea. Nothing I can do but wait for him to return. This is fine, it’s just like the times when he went to the new capital for an extended period. But even longer, even further… He will send me letters, and before I know it he will be here again. I can’t wait for that day!

…That was what I thought.

I know I have said that I’m disposable, someone would come to kill me someday, but for that to happen for real… Where did you come from? Who sent you here? London? That’s where Chi was… Hah. I don’t know what will happen now. You might have released a monster, because the Nishioojis… all of them are… Chi… Chi won’t… he will know the right thing to do. I’m sure of it…

…

Ah, the full moon is shining tonight. There is no cloud in the sky, as they scattered like broken words, yet the moonlight is fading away….


End file.
